Hi everyone, my name is Chris and I am from the Department of Explanation. We are a science based body tasked with helping people to understand things they might find confusing about our country.
For example, sometimes people have asked how it can be that on Sept. 11, 2001, that the two tallest skyscrapers in the country fell down into their own footprints in a pile of their own dust and rubble after no more than a seemingly small fire that lasted about an hour. They say things like, "That's impossible" and "This has never happened before in the history of skyscrapers and fires. How can this be explained?"
Well sure, if that is how you think about it of course it would seem strange to you. All it takes is the proper information and everything can become clear. It's so easy and there is just no need for Americans to be confused about anything that happens in our country.
My job at the Department of Explanation is to travel around the country explaining things that people are having trouble understanding. When we at the D.E. determine that an unusually high level of confusion exists in the public about certain things happening in our country, like things that the government does or foreign policy or constitutional rights or mass shootings or arresting children and so forth, the D.E. creates Special Information Packages specifically to help people alleviate their confusion or concerns over specific topics. These Special Information Packets, or SIPs, will help to replace confusion and concerns with clarity and understanding. All that most people need is a good explanation for what they don't understand and the Department of Explanation was created to fulfill that need. I am delighted to be able to be here today and to serve the American people through my work at the D.E..
Did you know that the earliest presence of the Department of Explanation had its roots in working very hard with the scientific experts at Popular Mechanics studying the events of Sept.11? Our combined effort and painstaking research resulted in the very helpful report given to the 9-11 Commission that explained everything. Our effort proved so very helpful to the American people that the Department of Explanation was born and now it helps people all over the country to understand things that don't make sense to them. We at the D.E. know that when something seems strange at first glance it's never really strange at all, it just needs to be explained. We are very good at what we do. In fact our director brought you The Pancake Theory which I'm sure you remember and I'm sure it cleared everything up for you. We at the Department of Explanation believe that no one has to be confused anymore. We are committed to ridding the country of all confusion. Wouldn't America be a much nicer place to live when no one is confused anymore? We think so and we're working on it.
Today's presentation is going to be a very special one. I'll be showing you a film today that you've never seen before. I am positive what you are about to learn will be something absolutely new to you. The reason I can be so certain of that is that it is only because of the efforts of the D.E. that we were able to get this film and the information within it declassified and released to us to be able to show it to you. We at the D.E. believe that this information should not be kept secret and that it is important for the American people to know about it in order to alleviate a growing confusion about government power and law enforcement powers. The American people shouldn't have to be confused about these things, these are serious topics and we should all enjoy the clarity of understanding what official power is. We should know where official powers come from, how official powers are created and what official power means in our lives.
Will you start the projector please Earl? Thank you.
This is an old film so it is in black and white and it is a bit grainy but you'll be able to see everything fine.
All right........ what we're seeing here is a white room with a six foot by six foot cubicle, or beam chamber, off to the right. You can see that it has plexiglass windows on all sides and there is also a plexiglass window on top. These windows allow us to see inside the chamber when it is in operation while keeping the chamber tightly sealed so that none of the energy it will shortly be filled with is able to leak out.
A Power and Authority Technician, or PAT, is entering the room. The PAT is taking a seat at the small control panel on the left. The PAT is all dressed in white, wearing a white lab coat and white gloves, white pants and white shoes. A pair of white rimmed protective goggles are loosely hanging around PAT's neck.
As you can see, PAT is busily entering numbers into a digital display area using a numeric keypad. PAT makes a few adjustments using various dials and switches on the panel, and now we see several lights have come on across the top of the panel. The system is now ready and on stand by.
What is this system? Ladies and gentlemen, meet the G. E. Authority Maker 5000. This is where all power and authority comes from. This has been one of the best kept secrets of all time. Almost nobody knows that this machine is what has given our elected and appointed officials, our law enforcement officials, our justice officials and our military officials power and authority over our lives. It might seem strange to you when you first hear about it, but it isn't strange at all. Let's watch how it works.
A man wearing a uniform has entered the white room and PAT waves him in, directing him to the open side of the chamber. PAT instructs him to step inside the cubicle and to sit down in the center area upon the GXZ73 Authority Platform. He walks to the side of the cube opening, ducks his head down for clearance and steps inside. He now turns around and takes a seat on the platform. He is comfortably seated and watching PAT through the front window. The uniform he is wearing appears to be the uniform of a police officer... with an insignia rank of sergeant.
Speaking into a microphone on the control panel, PAT asks him if he is ready. He nods once. The cubicle door is closing, there it goes, click, into place. The chamber is now sealed.
Using the keypad PAT enters a five digit number. The display reads three point zero five four four two. The G.E. Authority Maker 5000 message panel asks for confirmation. "Police officer. Sergeant. Confirm: Y or N?" PAT inputs the confirmation. The display scrolls to the default settings for a three point zero five four four two beam. It then scrolls a list of the beam calculations, lists the specific energy frequencies that will be used and their strengths and suggests the optimal duration for the P&A beam procedure. PAT enters a confirmation code and presses the "start" button.
You are now witnessing the transformation of an ordinary man into a man with power and authority. Isn't this amazing? It certainly is amazing, and it's absolutely real.
It is also perfectly safe, it does not harm the officer's health in any way, in fact he can't feel a thing. The powerful light he is bathed in will only last a few seconds and then it will shut off and the beam procedure will be over. He will leave that cube a genuine bona fide police sergeant.
All of our brave and heroic officials must go through this procedure to be imbued with genuine authorized power and authority over our lives. They will each receive a similar beam procedure that is specifically tailored to their particular levels of power and authority.
What is the beam and how does it work? The beam consists of a proprietary blend of various organic and synthesized energy frequencies that can be combined in various ways and adjusted for intensity, pulsation and duration. Beam procedures vary in time duration ranging from 10 seconds to a maximum of 10 minutes. After the beam procedure the ordinary guy who stepped into the G.E. Authority Maker 5000, will step out imbued with real and actual power and authority. Wow, how cool is that?
That's all there is to it. That was not confusing, was it? No, it was very easy to understand, especially when you can see the procedure for yourself, and you have all done just that. You are among the very first to get this newly declassified information. Right now you are among a very few who know where our nation's power and authority come from. Very soon though, everyone will know.
Why is this information important for everyone to know?
It is important because when Americans see police officers or senators or high level cabinet officials or SWAT teams, sometimes they see themselves as equals to their officials. They believe that no one has legitimate claims of power or authority over anyone's life and so if they disagree with what the officials say or do they often refuse to obey the orders given to them by their officials.
This can cause problems which can result in the injury or death of the misguided citizens whose only real crime was not understanding that their officials really do have real power over them. Once people can see films like this one and can observe how power and authority are literally transferred into the bodies of their officials, they will no longer feel doubt about officials having power over them. They will know the power is real. They will be much more willing to immediately obey the commands given to them by any officials and will not need to question those commands.
When people understand that officials have genuine power over them, and real authority, they will not mind so much when their neighbors doors are kicked in, in the middle of the night or in broad daylight, and their neighbors are perhaps shot dead in the street or out on their front lawn, and their dog is shot in the head, and all of their private property like computers and cell phones and printers and jewelry and family photos and old letters and papers and toys and cash and hard drives and scanners, etc., are confiscated and taken into storage as evidence to be used when your neighbor or his surviving family is prosecuted in court for terrorism and other charges. There is no need to be concerned when this happens to you or someone you know because it will never happen to anyone who is not a threat to your freedom and a dangerous criminal. If you see events like this happening, don't worry. Relax and know that men who are superior to you are keeping you safe so that you and your family can live healthy and happy lives in the best country in the world.
Reality Revision effective 2/26/2011 replaces the following text from earlier versions of this publication.
"All power and authority derives from God. All rights derive from God. Authority can only be granted by those who have God given rights, upon others for the purpose of carrying out specific duties or work of benefit to all. No one has power over us but God."
All instances of the above text should be removed and replaced with the above revision.
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