Monday, December 17, 2007

Guest Post by Peter Zaza

Turns Out My Dog Is A Terrorist Too

Just walking my dog along the streets downtown this morning - there was a guy who didn't put his car close enough to the curb, he's a parking terrorist. The hot-dog vendor didn't make correct change - financial terrorist. This guy over here was thinking about getting a few friends together and smoking some marijuana while watching a movie - narco-terrorists. Now, that guy over there just returned from a tour of duty in Iraq - he did his part to bring freedom to those people who were suffering under a brutal dictator. Too bad they can't enjoy the benefits of their new found democracy - being dead and all. Egad, I almost called him a terrorist too, better tell the cops to go bust those folks getting high, or else we might lose track of the real criminals around here.

Another strange thing about all the terrorists among us - most of us don't even know about our criminality until we get to the airport - then it's all right for the authorities to do whatever they want to us. Imagine that, thinking we can travel around freely as if we had rights. Oh well, back to our stroll downtown.

Must think good thoughts, only good thoughts about our leader, gotta make sure I don't commit any thought crimes - now I can be a criminal for just thinking about stuff. I remember the old days when you actually had to commit some act of aggression on somebody or their property in order to be guilty of a crime - it's so much easier now that people can be arrested for just thinking, and it saves time as well. Good thoughts, must think only good thoughts about our leader. The leader is good, our leader knows best. Oh, this is so hard - I started to think about what a brainless idiot our leader is - oops, better head down to the police station - maybe if they aren't too busy they can zap me with 50,000 volts of electricity - Zzzzt Tzzzt Zzzztt - ah, there, that's better - no more thoughts about idiots, politicians or the negligible lines of distinction therein.

Came home from work yesterday and found my dog taking a dump and getting sick all over last week's newspaper - the front page no less, which contained a picture of the Congress about to pass another one of the leader's great new laws - this one makes it illegal for anybody to wrap a towel around their head after getting out of the shower. Now the image of these Senators is completely smeared with dog poop and vomit - how can we tell the difference between the original photo and Rover's latest addition to their vestments of honour? Better take my dog down to the Homeland Buffoonery Animal Re-Education Center for Excellence - Second Floor, Department of Congress Canine Excrement Differentiation & Detection - you know, the HBARCEDCCEDD for short. Good thing they were recently awarded 8 billion dollars to expand their facility in this vital area. Turns out that if your pet is stricken with this type of affliction, the situation can be corrected by placing said animal in front of the TV while turning up the volume on CNN News. As long as the sound of your pet throwing up is sufficiently drowned out by the yelping, vomiting sounds of Glenn Beck nobody will know the difference - sorry to associate such a foul, disgusting image with all those innocent puking dogs out there.

Over to Fox News where there is a special edition of a new show called, "NeoCon Nightly" featuring Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter on the mouth organ - they're going to try some naked ballroom dancing to the tortured strains of Bill Maher's new comedy classic, "No Brains, No Balls, But I Get To Keep My Show". It's a cavalcade of stars I tells ya, a veritable "cunning array of stunts".

Good thoughts only, must think only good thoughts about the leader and our country - Ah Screw it - this is way too hard, forget the whole thing and drag me away to the FEMA camp, I give up. Perhaps I'm better off with the other 300 million terrorists in this god-forsaken country - besides, it's Wednesday and tonight at the camp we're going to pour lighter-fluid on top of the cast iron stove, grab a match and watch that sucker melt to the ground.

"Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. Thats whats insane about it" - John Lennon


Peter Zaza is a writer I discovered recently who sees things a lot like I do and he's got a wonderful style. I enjoyed his work so much I wanted to introduce you to him because I think you'll enjoy his work as much as I did. Here's a link to some of his articles.


Peter's new e-book:
Chaos In The New World Order
Essays by
CasaZaza available in ebook pdf format - $2.95

Winning Means Never Having To Say You're Sorry

It always bothers me when I hear some lofty expert talk about corporate corruption and destructive practices with apologetic forgiveness. They say things like, "Corporations are only doing what they're supposed to do: worry about the bottom line. They are there to make a profit for their investors; they are obligated to do that."

That implies that you can't really blame corporations for putting out cheap deadly products, ripping people off, killing people, cheating people, ignoring complaints, destroying local economies, paying off the government to legalize and cover their crimes etc.; it's just business and they are obligated to do it. The apologists even go so far as to say that corporations are legally required to do this or they open themselves to lawsuits for failing to seek to increase the value of the shares their investors have purchased. To put moral concerns or egalitarian motives above making ever increasing profits is literally, supposedly, against the law. How convenient.

I don't doubt there are laws on the books like this after seven years of bushco plundering and pillaging our country with their corporate globalist agenda and mindset. They came to conquer the world through what they call business. In fact, it's nothing less than piracy. It's legalized crime. It's about using secrecy, force, deceit, collusion, conspiracy and all forms of legal trickery veiled in credibility by calling it business. It's all fueled by unbridled greed and the belief that it's every man for himself; winner take all and screw the rest. In the name of personal gain the end justifies the means. Winning means never having to say you're sorry.

What constitutes an obligation to others? Money? Does it take a written contract sealed with the empty kiss of cold hard cash to create an obligation on this earth? What about their pre-existing obligation to their fellow man? What about their American obligation to be good citizens? To be honest? Ethical? To help instead of harm? What about respecting the rights of others? How about justice? Is every basic moral obligation erased by simply creating a contract stating the intent to increase personal wealth? Does money excuse us from our basic moral obligations to each other? Is that the message here? It would seem so.

We have seen this 'money is everything' trend steadily rising in America over the last few decades and I don't like it. It's a very dangerous, rather insidious total reversal of our human-based value system. It's steadily morphing into a corporate value system where profit is all that matters. Profit is the final criteria and the law is changing to support that. The law allows corporations to profit by allowing all the harm they cause and all of the damage they do. Human needs and quality of life considerations are simply swept off the table to make room for corporate ideology. Life itself is taking second place to profits.

It's too expensive to get medical care, so forget medical care; it's too expensive to care for the elderly and the disabled, so let's pull the plug and let them die; it's too expensive to give people their full money's worth, so screw people; aesthetics are an unnecessary expense, so forget beauty in architecture and city design; it's too expensive to educate people, so dumb them down and let them deal with the consequences; it's too expensive to pay a living wage, so let the taxpayer make up the difference. More and more, every day, in endless categories we are receiving the message that money matters more than human life. Money matters more than happiness, more than peace of mind, more than love and families and human dignity, more than justice, more than the environment. Money and the goal of getting it outweighs all other human needs and the pursuit of wealth has been classified as the highest purpose of man. Excuse me, but that's incorrect. In fact it's downright horrifying.

Spelling it out in plain English, if it were written plainly into the laws of our land so that anyone could understand it, perhaps including it in the constitution, how would it read? It might go something like this:

"There are a few among us who have the highest calling: the accumulation of great personal wealth, given to them by God. It runs through their veins. They are driven to pursue ever increasing wealth above all else and nothing shall be done to stop them or slow them down or detour them. If others must die so that they will be richer, then others must die. If they must lie, cheat and steal, if they must poison water supplies and air quality, if they must destroy the land for profit, so be it. They shall not have to endure lawsuits to recompense those they have killed or undermined or harmed by removing their means of survival. They shall not be detracted from achieving their goals or questioned or audited because their calling is truly the highest, most admirable purpose of mankind. They shall be found faultless and blameless in all complaints against them. They shall be endowed with pure entitlement and for evermore be held up above all others and given every special privilege and every advantage they desire. The people shall fund it all; indeed, they shall fund their own demise and shut up about it. The people are hereby notified of their obligation to die and to forfeit their fair share of prosperity and justice to those who seek to accumulate all the wealth in the world for themselves. The people will not resist or make a fuss because this is true freedom and democracy in its highest form."

I wonder how many of us would warm up to that if Congress decided to amend the Constitution and add it in? My guess is- the only ones clapping would be the thugs of big business: the very same ones who already do all of these things and more and get away with it. No one else would celebrate the formal acceptance of this new doctrine into our lives because doing so would officially reduce all of us to insignificance. Imagine becoming legally insignificant, how would that feel?

Well, to one extent or another we've all already experienced what it feels like, some of us more than others. Because even though this amendment to the constitution has not been overtly added so that everyone can gaze upon it and soak in its significance, it has nonetheless been steadily woven into our laws so that it does reflect reality. This is the law of the land today, and unless we stop it, it will only get worse.

Sunday, December 02, 2007


I recently finished listening to the audio version of the book, "A World Lit Only By Fire" and found it very illuminating. (No pun intended). It depicts European history, not so much from the usual perspective of the hero worship of kings and generals, but from the perspective of the rest of the population. You know, everyone. Us. The world.

The rift between us and them has been around since the first 'them' types came into being. The 'them' types being those who would be everyone's boss, and who do so by writing the laws. And the first law is that they can use the only legal force that exists to bludgeon everyone else into obedience. 'They' tell themselves this behavior makes them our superiors when in fact it makes them little more than thugs and thieves.

'They' don't do much of anything either in the course of their lifetimes, beyond sending around representatives to collect the fruits of everyone else's labor. This makes them stinking filthy rich. Since they're so boundlessly greedy it leaves everyone else dirt poor, as they usually take everything but what is needed for bare subsistence, although they'll take that too without any reservation.

In terms of production, of creating anything worthwhile, they aren't much to talk about. They create war, poverty and inequality and expect us to be thrilled with them. They're not very bright, but considering people have gone along with this nonsense for hundreds of years, we aren't very bright either.

'They' reserve the best life has to offer for themselves and their own, and ensure that others may not access such things or derive the benefits there of. For instance, excellent schooling, the best in cuisine and nutrition, the best that science has to offer in health care, medicine and engineering. 'They' keep all of it to themselves by the use of a simple trick which the world has been cheated with since these 'ruling' types first came on the scene. Money.

That's right, money. It's not what you think it is. It's the sneakiest way ever conceived by the terminally deceitful to figure out a way to get everything for themselves. All they had to do was introduce it, and set about putting a price on everything that exists; ensure that money is very difficult for the average person to procure, and that the full value of labor is never given in payment for work done, and no one would ever have a chance of accumulating enough money to get what they most want and need. It's no problem then to be certain that anything really worth having will not be available to the vast majority of the population and no individual or group will have sufficient money to challenge your control over them. It's the road to successful supreme selfishness and domination.

We cannot fail to notice that there is no such thing as a rich man who is rich enough for his own taste. He may have more money than he could use in a hundred lifetimes of sumptuous regal living, but he will never stop trying to hoard more. This seems to me to be a form of insanity, an obsessive compulsive disorder. The ceaseless obsession to get more and more of something you have no need for is not logical, rational or the best use of one's time. These people are mentally ill.

That's no secret of course. Setting about to put yourself on a pedestal above all others is already a fairly good indicator that all is not right upstairs. A normal person is content and happiest when engaged in going about their own lives. When you have a life you live it. Life is the small period of time we have to explore, learn, understand, and create. It's the time to solve problems and make life better for everyone. It is there to love and make friends, to have children and raise them, to enjoy family and nature and good food and music. It is not meant to clobber everyone around you into submission, and brutalize those who are not interested in worshipping false gods who are just like the rest of us and nothing 'special'. There is no such thing as a ''special'' person.

Because this is self-evident, these self ordained 'special' people have had to come up with clever ways to validate their claims of being in charge of everyone's lives. They will say they have superior breeding and mention their blood lines. It's as though no one else has bloodlines, or that all other lines of ancestry are somehow automatically inferior to their own. Considering that we already know they are mentally ill from the get go, these claims of a mentally ill lineage aren't much to brag about. They certainly don't qualify them to assert they are superior to anyone else.

Lineage is not a valid measure of any human being's worth. The mere assertion is ridiculous and stupid. Any person of any lineage can reach their own potential and do marvelous things and in fact, every marvelous thing ever done was done by people other than these 'special' people. These pedestal types don't do a thing for anyone but themselves.

Every human being is a unique individual who must prove his or her own worth in the course of their own life times. We can't rest on the laurels of our predecessors, those laurels belong to them. They, like everyone else must get their own. The whole bloodline assertion is nonsense.

Another common characteristic of these 'special' people is that they are supremely lazy. They want everything for nothing and have come to demand it, as if it's a no brainer that we all owe them something. As if by virtue of their mere existence, we are all expected to shower them with the wealth we create in return for reduced happiness, reduced freedom, reduced wealth and reduced possibilities for our lives and the lives of our children. I fail to see how that serves us. I also fail to see anything about these people that would obligate me to do anything for them. The one thing they do deserve is an intervention. Mental illness left untreated will only get worse, and for them it most certainly has.

Historically and today, after 'special' people pillage their own citizens with claims of taxes being due them, they assemble armies. The armies are then sent to other countries to loot and pillage, and as most people will defend what belongs to them, they will encounter resistance. When they do encounter resistance they proclaim it to be illegal, unwarranted and vicious and then proceed to kill everyone they see. We call this war.

In assembling their armies great care must be taken to find leaders who will serve them without question, and who, once in possession of the loot they plunder will not keep it for themselves and start their own country, but will instead faithfully bring it back to them, making the 'special' people richer than they already were. This is why we see statues erected to so called great generals, but never any statues to bakers or teachers or mothers. These generals were the men willing to lead others into the mass slaughter of strangers who had done them no harm, in the aim of procuring their wealth and resources to bring it home to their kings and queens, and presidents. That is the definition of a hero and the definition is of course established by none other than the kings, queens and presidents.

It is wise to always remember that value judgments of good and bad are in the eye of the beholder, and are never a given fact. It all depends on who is doing the judging.

When choosing commanders for their armies they must find the most psychopathic men of the lot and determine their willingness to be completely obedient to them, and be happily brutal to thousands of strangers who they will be responsible for murdering. Unquestioning obedience is an absolute necessity. Those who are not willing to forego their God given birth right to think for themselves and determine their own actions are not only not welcome but will quickly receive punishment.

Words have been created to justify brutalizing people who will not forfeit their self esteem or ability to think and reason for themselves. Dissident, insurgent, rebel, defiant, illegal combatant (as if there is such a thing as a legal combatant), and traitor. Labels are very handy and once applied are difficult to remove. At least from the perspective of those who buy into the belief that there exist others on this earth who have more right to tell you what to do with your life than you do. For those who see that for the nonsense that it is, labels don't hold much sway. But for those who do buy into it, labels are all that is needed to be willing to kill your own countrymen.

Labels, like money, are another control mechanism. While money controls our physical beings, labels and other word games control our mental beings. It is in this way that the world has come to be habituated to allowing self ordained 'special' people to exist on pedestals, being denied nothing, having great wealth, the best of health, and any dog goned thing they want, and total control over everyone else. Nothing is spared them.

No bad behavior is punished, no lies are called to account. These are people excused completely from having any consideration for their fellow man. They may do as they please at all times and enjoy the protection of those who think that mindless service to a domineering authoritarian is better than having self respect and the personal power we are born with. In this manner, we turn on ourselves rushing to protect those who rob us and exert such negative control over our lives in every detail.

To those who find my perspectives shocking I ask you to tell me what your 'leaders' have ever done for you. In what way have they directly improved your life? In the last thirty years, what have they set about to give their countries? If you are able to detach yourself from your brainwashing long enough to step back and be unbiased about what you see, you will quickly realize you are not better off for their existence. In fact, you are much poorer, you have less freedom, reduced rights, and will suffer very serious consequences if any of that doesn't work for you. You are a slave whether you've realized it or not. You are owned by the systems of the ''special'' people, who are not tolerant of any refusal to bow down to them and follow the rules they themselves create to assure their continued privilege over you.

In case you haven't noticed it yet, your failure to get down on your knees before authority will get you thrown into jail. Failure to obey the commands of those in control is no longer tolerated. Which means what? It means we are no longer free. Just thought I'd point that out.

Free, independent, self thinking beings possess all that is needed to live successful, happy lives. The 'special' people know that which is why they take such pains to ensure the public does as little thinking as possible. They have created great machines to churn out endless streams of diversion which work incredibly well. Fewer people than ever are able to think for themselves anymore preferring instead to let the idiot box tell them what the truth is and what they should believe, what they should support, what they should not support, and even who needs to be killed.

The fact is that no one needs a self ordained 'special' person stepping in to command them or disallow the myriad options life affords us. The 'special' people block important life options, even the most basic ones and to ensure there will always be someone available to crush anyone who wakes up and expresses their dissatisfaction with the status quo, they dole out favors to loyalists and titles like General and Chief of Police and Officer. This creates the illusion that there are more 'special' people to whom we must bow down, and all of these are 'special' because they're heavily armed. When government becomes selfishly self absorbed and allows a country to devolve into poverty and depression, using deadly force to control the victims of their inhumane policies it is not something we're supposed to put up with. This is grounds to dump the government and get a real one instead.

At the very minimum, government should act as an agent to carry out the will of the people and can be authorized to spend our collective tax dollars to improve all of our lives. It saves us the time and confusion of getting major highways built ourselves. Government can establish departments for assuring the quality of products and the ethics of companies and scientists and the other major institutions that impact our lives, often very negatively. Government should stand as our watchdog, always putting our needs and interests above all else and never assuming any position of power. We do not need power exerted over us, because power is only there to dominate and take what is not rightfully theirs. We retain the power, government is only authorized to do what we ask them to do.

If collectively for some reason we feel we are not mature enough to decide our own value systems or general future or direction for our country and we put leaders in charge, we should at least make sure of their character and success record and make them prove that their ideas put into action will bring us greater prosperity, not less, and improve life across the board for everyone, not just the rich.

No government would allow predation on the poor and in fact should be actively engaged in finding ways to eliminate the blocks that keep people in poverty. Poor people in a land of plenty cannot exist by any natural act, they exist because the government creates them. There is no possible excuse that anyone should suffer when there is so much to go around, and so much waste is engaged in every single day on a monumental scale. This is a breach of morality so severe it qualifies as a crime.

Government must never be allowed to dabble in our value systems, they exist to fulfill our requests of them, they are our employees. They should not be living in splendor, being waited on hand and foot, be denied nothing, have 24/7 servants, or live in any way beyond the means of the average citizen.

When a government, like ours, reaches the point that it is completely self absorbed, plundering the wealth of all of the citizens, selling off our natural resources, taxing us to near poverty, asserting force against law abiding citizens with guns and clubs and expensive new technologies, then it has gone rogue. When it calls for war incessantly it has gone rogue. This government has gone rogue. It is not a government, in fact we no longer have a government. We have a global organized crime ring in charge, and they are plundering our nation into ruin. More people are thrown into lives of suffering and want every day, jobs are leaving the country, we don't even grow our own food anymore and there is nowhere to turn for justice.

The brainwashing of the people is so deep and seductive that still, in spite of the ever decreasing quality of life, the decreasing overall health and wealth of the people, the impossibility of being able to afford a home - something most anyone could do a hundred years ago if they worked at any job at all - in spite of the average debt of every individual growing and the predation on all of us by various interests for endless reasons, they are still not able to recognize where the fault lies and who is responsible. It is time to wake them up and turn their television sets off, dash them on the ground if need be, it is an act designed to save them from themselves. The TV is the portal of propaganda that twists their minds and beliefs into accepting slavery and always expecting less for themselves. TV prevents people from living their lives. It immobilizes them, leaving them unaware of the world around them; turned into willing victims of the predators and criminals who pose as their government.

If you really love your country, turn off your TV set and start talking to people. We are on the verge of losing everything to the only real traitors that exist, the only real threatening terror organization we need fear: the government.


Just out of curiosity, how many people out there are you getting a share of paycheck from? You know, every time they earn income a cut comes to you?

Or maybe you have the other plan, the one where you can just reach in to anyone's bank account you like whenever you please and take some money for yourself, without asking first or having any real reason or right to do so?

Or are you charging others hefty interest on play money you loan them? That's always a great way to get free money from other people.

How many of these setups do you have? - because I wanted to compare my situation to yours. I have not loaned out any play money at voracious interest rates, but I counted up how many people out there are giving me a piece of every penny they make and how many people's bank accounts I get to help myself to at will and the total number came to, exactly zero. How did you come out? Maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Oh, you got zero too? Well darn it, so far everyone I've asked has come up with zero. What's the deal here? Just who do you have to be to successfully propagate the idea that everybody owes you a piece of everything they earn? Because I have to tell you; I can't think of a better way to kick back and rake it in, and I'd love to get a piece of that action.

Why, if I could only set up a mere million people to fork over twenty percent of every dime they earn, I'd have a new house built to my specifications in no time, and on 30 private acres somewhere green and lush, with a nice big pond too, with ducks! That would be so cool. I'm thinking of somewhere up North in the cooler climates; I'm not much of a fan of high humidity. I like cooler temperatures. But how to get in on this? That is the question.

There are a few hurdles to overcome. It turns out that the nameless few people who do have this setup to bring in truckloads of free cash just for them are a bit piggish. They've worked things out with the Congress so that nobody else gets to gorge on other people's money at will. How did they work that out? It's not fair. We should all be able to dip into other people's wealth and snag bunches of it, because that's democratic. It's the definition of freedom. It's democracy in action.

Maybe I should just open a bank. It's a great way to go, you don't even need any real money to do it. I'll just go borrow other people's money and open Ang's Bank & Loan downtown. Then I'll put some of that borrowed invisible digital cash on deposit in my bank and instantly I will be able to begin loaning out imaginary fun money to anybody who comes in the door. Even raccoons who get lost and mistake my front door for a tree. If they can sign their name to a loan contract we're good to go.

Because, you see, if you own a bank you get this zany great deal, but it's only good if you own a bank; otherwise you can just forget it. You CANNOT do this as a regular person for some reason; I wish I knew why. We're all equal after all; we should all be able to get in on this sweet little deal. You see, for every dollar I have "on deposit" at Ang's Bank & Loan, I can loan out ten times that amount. That's right, I can loan out money that doesn't even exist! It's the coolest thing because even though the money doesn't exist, I can still charge all the interest I want and it gets paid back to me with REAL money.

Both the "loan" AND the interest! Can you beat this with a stick? I think not. We should all go into banking, don't you think? Heck yeah.

But it gets even better. You see, if I need more fun money to deposit in my bank to loan out more imaginary money, I can just print some up. I shit you not. Does it get any better than this? Wouldn't it be great if we could ALL print up money whenever we needed a little more? Come to think of it, why can't we? Oh well, who knows, I'm no expert on economics, I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason we do things this way. All I do know for sure is that this is called fractional reserve banking and it's how they do things in America. It's funny isn't it? - that hardly anybody knows about this.

But, like I said, the handful of nameless individuals who are the current benefactors of this sweet privileged deal are serious pigs about it. They want the right to suck up wads of free money from other people all to themselves and the darn Congress gave them a thumbs up on it! It is SO not fair. What makes bank owners so special? I can't think of anything, can you? Only they have the right to make up imaginary money anytime they want to and loan it out and just sit back and collect it back in real money that other people have to work their ass off for, plus free bonus interest. It's the sweetest deal in the world, in my humble opinion. I really think we should start pushing on Congress to open this up so we can all get a piece of it, don't you?

I tried to ask about it, but it turns out, nobody was at all receptive enough to even answer a few little questions about it. The Feds have literally no sense of humor on the subject, they get down right cranky. I'm not one to look for trouble; I know when it's time to leave the party, and I left. I can tell you right now that if you want to open a bank of your own, you better be connected because this feeding frenzy is a Private Party. I still say, it's patently unfair.

One of the other things that's so cool about owning a bank is being able to skip talking to people when you want a hunk of free cash from their account. You can just take it and don't have to say a dog gone word to them. This is one of my favorite bonus bank owner's extras, I'm telling you, the perks never quit.

Check it out. Let's say you open a checking account at Ang's Bank & Loan and this month is a tight one. You got laid off six weeks ago and that last paycheck you got has been stretched as far as it can go. It's three days until you get your unemployment check which will barely cover your rent and food, but it's better than being homeless for sure. Then, as luck would have it, the last check you wrote at the grocery store was for two cents more than your bank balance. Uh oh! Bad for you, GREAT FOR ME.

This is what I wait for because it's jubilee time. First, I set up my computers to instantly smack you with an enormous "insufficient funds" fee. It's so beautiful because we're talking about imaginary digits here, not actual hard currency! How can you be overdrawn on imaginary play money anyway? What a hoot, I swear it cracks me up! Anyway, let's say I decide that your "two cents over" thing is so evil that I have to punish you for all the "harm" you did to me. (Snicker). That's right, it harmed me to have to "cover" your two cents overdraft. That imaginary play money had to come out of MY pocket! (Chortle!) What a burden you placed on me; how could you? You really put my back to the wall this time, and I couldn't feed my children for having to cover that extra two cents.

Okay, it didn't impact me at all, but so what? I own the bank. I can do whatever I want. What are you going to do about it?

I therefore, as bank owner, decide that you must be punished! Yes, that's it, YOU MUST BE PUNISHED. (Mwa-hahahaha!)
You therefore must pay me immediately in the amount of, say, $45. Yes, that sounds fair. You must give me $45. And how should I collect this penalty from you? Well, you don't have any money in the bank, I know that much.

Usually, when some company or corporation thinks you owe them some money, they send you a bill. Then you get the bill in the mail and look at it, and if you dispute it or have a problem with it, you can pick up the phone and say "I refuse to pay this.”

Well I say, screw that! Since I'm right here anyway, I'm just going to reach into your account right here and now and take the $45, and you can find out about it later. Much later. Way after I've taken it and put it someplace you'll never be able to get it back again. That way, I don't have to put up with any argument from you, because customers are all the same. They always say, "That's not fair! It's a ridiculous amount to have to pay for such an inconsequential slight! No harm came to you! This is punitive and unjustified and I refuse to pay it! This is imposing a terrible hardship on me! I won't be able to eat, I'll lose my apartment and end up out on the street! You have no right to injure me like this, what are you, Satan?" I hate that argument, don't you? Doing it this way, they don't get to refuse to pay it! It's perfection.

Oh I know what you're saying - isn't it illegal for someone other than the account holder to help themselves to other people's personal legal bank accounts at will? Well of course it is silly. You can't just reach into anyone's bank account at will and snag a chunk. You can't and I can't and no other business or corporation of any kind can, but BANKERS CAN. Bankers are special. They get to take whatever they want from anyone's account any time they want to for any reason, no matter how stupid, unfair, preposterous or outrageous that reason may be. All they have to do is say, "It's bank POLICY", and call it a "FEE" or a "SERVICE CHARGE" (heehee, some service huh?) and voila! It instantly entitles them to just take cash out of your account.

But it gets better! You're going to love this. After I take the $45 dollars from you by increasing your negative balance, I can decide that it's really putting me out to have this minus sign in front of your digital account balance. I can say it's giving me hives or that it's against my religion, it really doesn't matter. In fact, I don't have to justify it at all! (It's so great to have friends in Congress, I'm telling you.) Then I can say, that for every day that goes by that you don't make a deposit to cover that negative amount, I am going to charge you ANOTHER $45 dollars, AND a "fee" for making me have to do this to you. You are such a pain in the butt! (Chortle snicker snort). So by the time you get your unemployment check in three days in the generous amount of $190 dollars, when you deposit it, I'll get $45x 4 plus $30 which comes to: $210! UH OH! YOU'RE OVERDRAWN AGAIN!! MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'll just take every penny you deposited and smack you with more fees. This is the easiest way to get rich that has ever been invented. Ain't it beautiful?

Oh, it's making tears run down my cheeks. Sweet, ain't it? And it's PERFECTLY LEGAL! You can't do a stinking thing about it and that's the best thing in the whole wide world. Especially when you consider how many millions of people are getting this shaft every single day of the week. But how are you supposed to eat this week? Who cares? Is that my problem? I'm running a bank here so go figure it out for yourself. Geez, some people think their troubles are everybody else's problem.

So anyway, as you can see, this situation can go on indefinitely and you can starve to death and get kicked out on the street and nobody's going to lift a finger to stop it. Because YOU are the evil and wrong person, not me. It was you after all who hit me with your whopping two cent overdraw and expected me to carry it for three whole days! What a jerk! Low life scum. Geez, how can some people look at themselves in the mirror, I just don't know.

You trust me right? I'd make a great banker wouldn't I? You'd want to open an account at my bank, right? Of course you would. You know you'd never be treated better. You'd be my favorite number one customer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Just call my toll free number any time you like for any reason and to make sure you know how much I want to hear from you I will have a mindless pre-recorded non-entity on hand to answer the telephone who will address you in a nearly human tone and then force YOU to speak to it as though it were a person. This should humiliate and degrade you enough to make your day special. After all, face it now, if I gave a rat's butt about hearing from you, wouldn't I have a living breathing human being there who's entire purpose for existing was to see to your needs, wants, questions and comments? Damned right I would.

Hope you got the subtle message there. YOU REALLY MATTER AT ANG'S BANK AND LOAN. So come open your account today, or rather, as soon as I figure out who I have to **** or what to get in on this sweet deal. Becoming one of the very very few who gets to become obscenely wealthy off other people's back breaking hard work without ever having to do a day's work himself, well, is incredibly difficult. But if there's a way, by gum, I'll find it.

In all honesty though, don't hold your breath. Helicopter Bernanke is not returning my calls. Neither is the treasury department. Neither is the Federal Reserve Bank. All I'm asking for is an application to open my own bank right out of my own home. How hard can that be? I can print my own money right off the computer. Who's it gonna put out? I won't be a bother to anyone, I promise. I just want to print money out of thin air and not have to report how much, and loan it out as if it were real, and make up pretend amounts to loan to my nice customers who I only want to help out, for a fee of course, and a little interest. And I won't even bother running anyone through all those silly credit checks. I mean, how can I lose when the money is all pretend in the first place? Credit checks are just goofy; who needs them. And fingerprints? Who needs them? Your basic ID card is good enough for me. I trust you. You'll love my bank. You really will.

Alas, Ang's Bank and Loan will probably never come to be. It is SO not fair. I want to be a banker and get rich doing nothing like the big boys do. Why must it be so wickedly hard to get in on this when it's such a sweet deal that everyone deserves a shot at?

You tell me and we'll both know.

(And as the current "banking crisis" continues to unfold with the world's biggest banks being handed hundreds of millions of dollars to keep them "afloat" - which is coming out of our pockets by the way - who can blame any of us from wondering if this isn't every bit as orchestrated as the rest of the system. When they are in total control of all of the money and raking it in hand over fist how on earth could they be going bankrupt? Well, as soon as I get my own bank, if I ever do, I'll find out about it and let you know. In the meantime I strongly suggest you keep your hands tightly over your ass at the bank and whatever you do, don't bend over!)